rediscoveries

I was reading through old scraps of paper I had written snippets of thoughts on over the past few years, just to gather all them together into one place, and a few really stood out to me.

“Rough bark biting into my back woke me up. The sound of waves lapping on Cranberry Lake (though I didn’t know that’s where I was at the time) was the first sound to meet my ears. Another day without bathing, it had been four weeks without shaving, I had a crick in my neck from sleeping on a stump, yet this was the best time I had ever had in my life! Ahead of me was a day of sitting alone, completely alone. It began fine and peaceful. A quiet stillness broken only by the rain pattering on the pathetically thin sheet of plastic protecting my head filled the woods.”

It took me a while to remember when I wrote that since I’ve backpacked through chunks of Adirondack State Park countless times, but when I did recall this particular excursion, I was thrilled. I wished I had finished writing, but I know that I had to get moving and get a fire started that morning. What a wonderful experience though. I would recommend that everyone at some point in their lives take two weeks off and just live off what you can fit in a medium size frame pack. Bathe in a creek if you can find one, canoe over a few beaver dams down a super windy river, and just live and breathe nature without running into another human being for days on end; it’s a glorious experience.


Another I ran across was from fairly recently from a conversation that I had with a friend who was struggling with feeling alive again. We all sort of lose ourselves in the weights of life sometimes, and in that our joy disappears until we proactively go out and claim it again, wake up with purposefulness (if that’s even a word) and delve back into living life to the fullest. (And please pardon my overuse of ellipsis, it happens when I’m just jotting during a conversation. I often think in fragments and spurts and end up writing the same way.)

“… I was like that [feeling dead] for a while, but I’m such a sensual tactile person… I just get so much life and energy from connection with the world around me. It makes me feel alive. I’m a super process oriented person. I like smoking for the whole act… the feeling… the effects. I like kissing for the same reason… for the human connection… the feeling of skin on skin… seeing the human body move. It’s beautiful to me. This is why I sculpt. I love body lines. Even the simplest things… meeting trees and getting to know their nooks and knotholes… the texture of the bark… talking to the tail-less squirrel who lives on my lawn… I just crave connections. I revel in the smells and sounds of outdoor markets… the sounds of foreign languages being spoken. I love the feeling of being greeting with a hand on my back or the fact that my dear friend J. kisses me every time we greet… its incredible… in that simple act of a platonic peck on the cheek/forehead/lips depending on the situation we can reaffirm how much we have been through over the past 4 years and that we are still here for each other at any time.
Maybe I’m wired differently than most, but is it not everyone’s desire to feel fulfilled and satisfied with the life they lead? Why not just dive in full force?! Yes I work, yes I get sucked into life’s burdens and worries, but I constantly remind myself that I can be a force of positive energy and that I need to pursue what brings be joy in order to do that. For me, that joy comes from connecting intimately with the world around me.”